Late hour, sitting at my computer. Drinking vodka and tonic with limes out of a cheap pint glass - stirring it with a odd chopstick from the knife drawer. I feel accomplished today - not yesterday - or this weekend for that matter - but today I do. I worked. Made cream of tomato soup from scratch. Started knitting sleeve number two for my hoodie. Read. Made banana bread - also from scratch. Working on uploading all of my photos from my trip to Europe 3 years ago - finally going to print them. The great thing about waiting so long is remembering all of those thing that I saw and indulged in and enjoyed.
I had a very short but extremely stimulating conversation with a co-worker today. He's older and has been doing graphic design since you actually had to physically cut and paste (using real scissors and real paste) things on a page. He is a painter. He helps me think though stuff occasionally and he really helped spark something today - just a process thing - but it will make a real difference for me.
I found today to be a nice inspiration for a jump start is enthusiasm and getting things done. I haven't run since Saturday's race - so it has given me more time and energy to accomplish other tasks. It seems to me when I ignore my s.o. and his son and focus on what I need or want to do and sort of 'hate' on them - that is when I do more for myself.
Last night my s.o. threw my cat (a.k.a. my fuzzy little muse) off of the bed. I was petting her, she was purring and just about to lay down and snuggle with me when he tossed her off the bed. Not in a nice way either. I slapped him and bitched him out for being a jerk. I've been pissed off ever since. And then when I got home and got on the guys cases about getting shit done, I'm the one that gets yelled at for being a controlling bitch. I'm just trying to keep people on task and to keep them productive, instead of watching bullshit re-runs of crap shows that they have already seen and know how the mystery unravels.
It's so much better to be getting stuff done than to be laying on your ass and not improving yourself in any good kind of way. I do more stuff for me - like I should anyway- when I am pissed off at someone for being a total jerk. I shouldn't have to do that. I should just do more stuff for me and not feel guilty about it. Guilt. That is where the problem is for most people most of the time. Guilt prevents us from taking what we want - be it the last piece of cheesecake, the sweet piece of ass from the office, or the new car that you really could afford if you just re-budgeted. Screw everyone else. If they aren't out to get what they want out of life, then let them be trampled by those who are out to get it by any means necessary.
Guiltfree. As it should be.
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