Tomorrow I will get up early and run a 7 miler through the vineyards of Lelanau County. Tonight I am drinking a beer - or two - okay two. Consider it part of my carbo-loading. And my pre-race relaxing. I'm also gearing up for my weekend of making. I have already told my s.o. that this is what I'm planning on doing with my weekend time and I think he understands. I'm going to be selfish for most of this weekend. I need to do that more. I give so much of myself away the rest of the time. I stayed late at work today, I spent my lunch hour a few days ago shopping for stuff that the guys needed, I usually spend my lunch hours cleaning the house or prepping dinner. I should be spending that time cultivating my creativity and knitting and reading and doing something for myself.
My acrylic gels will be ready for peeling the paper off tomorrow. I'm excited to see how that is going to work out. The one that I have been laying down textures on for every layer has some wonderful character. The other one is really flat right now, but when I add textures to the right parts it might just pop.
I need to find a way to be less of a pessimist. At work, but just in general. I think it has something to do with the lack of control I have over certain things in my life and the amount of control I have over other things and my ability to influence things if only I would instate that control and do something about it. This weekend is part of the beginning of the death of my pessimism and the ruin of my attempt to control shit that I shouldn't even worry about.
Control. That is the real problem but it is also the solution. I will because I want to.
I'm afraid of boring my 'audience' with this blog - but at the same time this is not about them. It's about me processing all of the shit that is in my head everyday and clearing it out and attempting to make sense of it. If you're bored, I'm not sorry. Thanks for reading this much - and I hope it's interesting - but I'm just trying to get a jump start on my creative life (again). Journaling is a great way to do that - and posting it on a blog is just a little extra motivation for me. There are very few people that I feel comfortable sharing my creative endeavors with at least in the preliminary parts of the process so it's just easier to stick it all out in the giant sea of garbage that they call the internet and share it with everyone and no one simultaneously all anonymously. It is amazing the secrets that people reveal to the vastness of cyberspace.
I have found that this is the best place to rant, bitch, vent, philosophise, spew random shit and think. It keeps me from driving people in my real life totally crazy and lets me repeat myself as many times I want by restating the same crap over and over in different ways. You don't know me and I don't know you and who really gives a shit anyway. This is where I figure out things that need to be figured out. Sometimes it's paragraphs and minutes into this before anything good comes out - or should I say - reveals itself. That's how it works. I sort of free associate - go with my natural mind-flow and just type what I want and what I'm thinking right now. Most of the time it's crap or the same crap - but occasionally there is a gem of a concept or thought that really means something and that is what makes it all worth it.
I'm so into music now - I never used to be - I was a standard Beatles fan, a classic rock fan, and then something changed. I started listening to different stuff. Playing roulette with the CD selection at the library. Then I discovered Pandora. Fuck, I love it. Really, like where else can you find stuff you like and then have them show you more stuff that you're going to like too. White Lies, Miike Snow, The Bravery, Mute Math, Jupiter One, Hard-Fi, The Editors, Interpol, MGMT, Cut Copy, The Kooks, really - so much stuff that I would have never heard of if I would have just listened to the bullshit that they play on the average radio stations. It's sick to me to think that most people will never hear of most of these bands. But it also makes me feel good about discovering them for myself and enjoying their music.
I think I've expelled enough of my interpersonality for today - off to knitting and readng and some sleep.
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